THE golden rules for calling IT support

Hehe, maybe you guys already know this, but i hope you have fun though.

THE golden rules for calling IT support:

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art.
We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages > from here.

3. When an IT person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 screensaver passwords.

4. When IT support sends you an email with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

5. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

6. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

7. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.

8. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

9. When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

10. When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

11. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

12. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 5 printers in the company.
One of them is bound to work.

13. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up".

14. Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.

15. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20kg of omputer sitting on top of them.

16. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.

17. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?

18. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard as Kyocera too recommend that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.

19. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call ITSupport. We love to hack.

20. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.

21. When you receive a 30mb movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.

22. When an IT person gets in the lift pushing #100,000 worth of computer equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take the elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" That's another one that cracks us up no end.

23. Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.

24. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. We'll find all the settings and drivers somewhere.